Friday, June 19, 2015

I say Kaddish for

I say kaddish for 
my mother -in -law,
her years four score
and eighteen
yet feelings fresh and  raw
life no longer safe,  routine

I say kaddish for
the ashes of an infant
on a crematorium floor
burned up in an instant
swept under the world’s torpor

I say Kaddish for
the ashes of a Jewish warrior
in the bowels  of a twisted tank
curls and smiles no more
sacrifice was his rank

I say Kaddish for
the girl who once hopped , danced and ran
tomorrow will never adore
comforting arms of a man,
rape her initiation, to the world, a whore. 

I say Kaddish for
bulging eyes of a child
overflowing with the  roar
of terror gone wild
wretched from pore to grimy  pore

I say Kaddish for
an empty carriage
without blanket, pillow or toy
the elusive grail of marriage
cuts down life’s branch of joy

I say kaddish for
a father’s dreams
to fill the world with song
instead my mind shatters with screams
at life’s unfairness, choices so wrong.

I say kaddish for
yearnings once so real
possibilities for sure to come true
 but hopes hopped away, like a rabbit on a wheel
or dashing to a thicket, disappearing from view.

I say Kaddish for
The Holy One, no where to be found
push open a  portal , every possible  door
I crawl along each inch of ground
my eyes to heaven soar

Is He shrinking, 
since the world began
What could He be thinking
in a creation of catch as catch can

I say Kaddish for
with praise to fill  the void, the space
each YitgadaL an open door
at the head table, please  take Your Place.

I say kaddish for 
the gush of ire
seeping out of every pore
If only I could fling it on a funeral pyre
so it rises to heaven’s door

it clogs my heart
like plaque in body’s vein
will prayer my soul jump start
to flow like gentle rain 

but prayer is paper thin
as long as hurt chokes every swallow
heart so hard, where to begin
every effort, empty and hollow  

And so the kaddish I recite
attune my ears to every sound
Each day, morning noon and night
some feeling to be found

the same words holy and ancient
say over and over again
counsel to be calm and patient
I cant help but beg Lord tell me when

amidst inner doubt and storm
if to Kaddish  I hold on
no single foe or those who swarm
though they’re encountered hither and yon

can fully rid my belief
in what’s beyond and yet so near
to bring a breaking heart relief
and for one blessed  moment,
 banish hopelessness and fear

Yitkadash-reality of sanctity
B’almah-gift of creativity
V’Yamlich-purpose not living chaotically

Bezman kariv-let it come quickly
Amen-we’ve been waiting oh so patiently
Yehay shemay -we need the Name to live, to be

Mevorach-blessing ,life’s discovery
Leolam-flutters of eternity
Leaylah-all we know is mystery
Shelamah-and finally 
Shalom-all fragments now a unity.

I say kaddish for 


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